Take a walk around Central Park and you'll see all different types of people-- you've got everything from tourists from the Ukraine to coal miners from Pennsylvania.
As you take your stroll, take note that there are clearly a few different types of guys that frequent the park. These men are defined by the activities they're doing, whether they are walking a dog or going for a jog (rhyme!).
Let's examine the different activities men do in Central Park. If you want, you can turn this list into a SCAVENGER HUNT (fun!). To do this, go around the park and find someone doing each of the following things. You can even print this page and use it as a handy checklist so you don't miss anything. The first person to find all twelve men wins a mediocre prize that I will not provide for you.
COUNTDOWN TIME! THE TOP 12 THINGS GUYS DO IN THE PARK AND WHAT THEY SHOW ABOUT THEM:
12. WALK A DOG
This one's a classic. There are only two reasons men walk a dog in the park. REASON ONE: The man is using the dog to pick up women (or men--that's fine, too). I have heard variations of the following exchange many times:
Attractive Woman: Is that your dog?
Man With Dog: Yes, it is.
Attractive Woman: He is SO cute… Why don't we go out for a drink later?
This happens all the time.
REASON TWO: The man is lonely and has no other friends; he has no one to walk with besides his dog. This is a very sad scenario.
Probably Reason Two.
11. EAT LUNCH
Hungry? What better place to sit down and eat than Central Park? Would you rather sit in a nice, air-conditioned restaurant instead of out in the unbearable humidity? I didn't think so. Only men that are extremely weird eat breakfast or dinner in the park (particularly breakfast). You should steer clear of these people.
While walking to this ideal place to eat, this man went through some poison oak.
10. READ A BOOK
If a man is really hip, he will read a book on his Kindle. This book-reading fellow may sit on a park bench, but it is preferable if he is sitting in the shade under a tall tree.
No Kindle, but at least he's reading a graphic novel by Alan Moore. That's hip.
9. PONDER
Central Park is a great place to sit and ponder all of life's big questions. Why am I here? What is at the end of space? Do time machines exist? Men will often look for a nice rock to sit on to do their pondering. These men think they are very deep. They are always alone since they do not want to be disturbed while they are deep in thought.
Wow, he is clearly deep in thought! (How'd he get all the way up on that rock? He must be a good climber!)
8. TAKE A SCENIC PHOTO
Central Park is full of statues and flowers and squirrels. Why not pose for a picture with one of them? Men who take scenic-type pictures are often tourists or artsy people with expensive cameras. Pictures like these can be posted online to let everyone know that you did, in fact, go to Central Park.
This man looks a good deal like the men in the other photographs.
7. HAVE AN ICE POP
Similar to eating lunch in some ways, but in other ways, very different. Ice pops are a cold, refreshing treat that a man can buy from one of the many carts in the park. If you see a man with an ice pop he could be overheated. Or, perhaps, he just desires a sugary treat. (Rewarding himself for making that big sale at work?) If you see a man eating an ice pop in a seductive manner, then this man is a pervert.
He forgot to get an ice pop in Central Park, so he got one at a deli.
6. PLAY CATCH
Nothing says "I'm not cool" like two guys tossing a frisbee back and forth. (Well, maybe two guys playing with a hacky sack.) Playing catch with a football or baseball is usually alright since these are normal sports. Playing catch with a baseball is definitely alright if you are on a baseball team.
Ready to catch!
Now pitching for the New York Mets...
5. TAN
Contrary to popular belief, tanning is not just for girls. Tan skin shows that a person is healthy and, thus, it is seen as an attractive characteristic. (I am not talking about people that are crazy, orange tan.) Still, if you want to get a tan, you should probably go to the beach since people tanning on the grass is sometimes viewed as odd. Men who tan at the park are oftentimes vain and superficial.
He forgot a blanket to lie on (and the grass is all wet).
4. ARGUE WITH SOMEONE
If you walk around the park for at least an hour, you can just about guarantee that you'll see at least one pair of people engaged in a heated argument. Most likely, it is a man fighting with his girlfriend. The argument can be over something small, but it has been blown way out of proportion. It is like the couple is providing a free show for everyone else in the area.
"I'm mad at you!"
3. JOG WITHOUT A SHIRT
There are lots of not nice words you could use to describe guys who jog with their shirts off. Since this is a family blog (not really), we'll just say that they're cocky. No matter how cool you think you are, you should wear a shirt. You are NOT at the beach. You are (most likely) NOT as hot as you think you are. People do NOT want to see you shirtless. (NOTE: Only around 20% of the men who run shirtless in the park have decent bodies.) It's hot out, but it is not so hot that you can't wear a tank top. (You are not running on the sun!)
Tool. (Also, who jogs in khaki shorts?)
2. DO YOGA
"Yoga?! Yoga is for women!" That's true, but it's also for men. Yoga leads to increased flexibility, something that can be useful for lots of things, like getting out of handcuffs if you are ever arrested (you are probably innocent). Yoga can also be a "stress buster" and it makes you healthier. The only problem is that while women doing yoga is hot, men who do yoga look very dorky.
The most common yoga stance?
Yoga master.
1. PICK WEEDS
Wow, this one is a shocker! If you've never seen a man picking weeds in the park, then you'd better get ready, because this is an up-and-coming thing for men to do. A man who picks weeds cares about the park AND shows that he is willing to do something that is often seen as womanly (because picking weeds is sort of like gardening in that it involves dealing with plants). This type of man would be a great catch, ladies.
He's done a good deed and it's made him feel proud of himself.
*A special thank you to Nylah for taking these photos of this attractive male model on such a hot day.
